Some days, many days, my victory is in ending the day with "I'm still here." I have remained steadfast for one more day. I have been immovable for 24 more hours. I have persevered for one more rising and setting of the sun. I have conquered the one who would like me to flee to the comforts of home.
Because living a worthwhile life isn't easy. There are seasons of discouragement. Times when the enemy surrounds with demons of despair, depression, fear. Last night, I awoke at midnight, heart racing, to large arms fire coming from the ravine near my house.
But baby, I don't go down that easy. I'm still here; I've won the battle for another day. In fact, I've won the battle for the last 1487 days, so maybe it's time to call the war in my favor?
Things that fill my heart with joy are happening here. Look forward to sharing more in the coming days.
Exhausted. Overweight. Irritable. Pre-hypertensive. Stressed. Burdened. Depressed. Compassion fatigued. These could all describe my last couple of years in Haiti. I could list the triggers - the heat, the noise, the smoke, the grinding poverty... but I think I've made that list in my head too many times already. I know what the issues are.
But I also know who keeps me here, and He beats all of those, no question. I also know the work and the meaning and the difference and the community that keeps me here. But that's a post for another time.
Back to my problem. The list above is not sustainable. It lists all of the signs on the highway to Burnout City. So? I have dubbed this year my "year of rest." In prayer, the Lord has released me from my 'shoulds" to do this.
I will feel free to say "no" to busyness, "yes" to margin. "No" to driven overachieving," yes" to love spilling over. "No" to avoidable stress, "yes" to things that bring my soul joy.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm pretty sure there's a sappy, brainless chick flick waiting for me on Netflix. ;-)
P.S. couldn't help sharing the pic of the tap tap with "Always Jesus" on it in the middle of the fairly typical traffic jam I was stuck in last week. Such a great reminder that Jesus is in this whole mess with me. Always.